A Head Off the Crass

We used to be taught "look up and down before crossing the street." Maybe they were trying
to teach us about life instead. City Gate, Port-of-Spain, Trinidad Photo by Jhaye-Q

"AH BOUNCE MIH HEAD," we Trinis say when we invest time, effort, money, what have you into something that we have high hopes for, but that ends up in the "proverbial" crash and burn.

Sometimes this happens because we are unwary, distracted or beguiled. Sometimes it's because we simply are not translating the semaphores signalling to us that we are approaching the equivalent of low beams, low doorways, low branches, low hanging hard fruit, and we'd be wise to duck, maybe even run ... the other way!

Well, I bounced my head when trying to make my blog, and was left feeling bitter and wretched toward it for nigh on four years.

Should I go on to relate a real-life drama of connivance, cruelty and other sordid fare? Or should I instead err on the side of advice? Let's see if I can do both: by giving you specific advice, you'll be able to glean intimate insight into issues I faced with my initial attempts at Internet industriousness.

Do run, run!

Think twice before you pity-hire someone who makes it clear they think they're better than you
Think twice about taking it lightly when someone claims to be a good and decent person but is regularly unsettled by acts of simple human kindness
Think twice before you totally believe that the reason someone is "down on their luck" has nothing whatsoever to do with any fault of their own
Think twice before you convince your boyfriend to lend money to someone you've already advanced half of their project-payment
Think twice before you keep near you someone who turns into a real asshole right after you have taken them to a peace & love spiritual retreat centre
Think twice before retaining the "professional" services of someone who knows you've just spent a week in a hospital battling complications that almost killed you, and accuses you of "wasting" time because you were not there to help work on the blog you are pity-paying them to build!!!

And I'll just stop there before I stress-trigger myself into another endometriosis attack (Please peruse my blog at the link: ABC Endo: A Trinbago Survivor's Guide, and spread the word about this most common of female ailments that shockingly remains the Hidden Epidemic).

Listen, the Chinese have a saying: "If you suspect someone, do not hire them. If you hire them, do not suspect them."

I dig the first part. But if we could put our heads on a block for the latter there would never be a phrase like "Ah bounce mih head!"

"I'm crass and mean and dishonest.

So gimme a job."

Nobody comes to you and says, "I'm crass and mean and dishonest. So gimme a job." Or maybe they do say it with their deeds big and small; but in feeling sympathy and wanting to help someone we put ourselves in harm's way anyway.

We may be so damaged in body, mind and heart by that head bounce we get ill at the very thought of anything connected to it. That's how it was with my blog.

Let me tell you: I bounce my head a lot. Productivity is most often what helps me heal.

If I could do this with my soul.

So it was tragic that the blog I had sought to create to help me heal from one devastating interval led to another, that made me unable to stand the blog itself. I kept feeling it had been infected, or poisoned. Sullied? Begrimed? Cursed? What word!

This word: I felt it was not good.

I tried to heal it. But I hated it. And when we hate, it means it is ourselves we have to heal first.

Then ... after a long time I stopped hating my blog. I worked to liberate it from any residual negativity injected by its original designer's shaky energies.

Now, not only do I NOT hate my blog, I'm starting to think I LOVE it. 😋

That's real important, since love is a vital part of passion, and passion is a vital part of blogging.

Shine on

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